Ridiculous Ramblings

I usually don't post about SUPER personal stuff so I have no idea why I'm doing this. Lately I have been struggling with something that may seem petty and totally ridiculous but it has been driving me insane.

I'm starting to become interested in a guy that I know I have no future with. I don't want to like him, but my stupid girl emotions take over me. I know what some of you are thinking--this guy must be bad news! He's not. Actually, as far as personality, he's pretty much perfect for me. But there is still something that tells me that he won't be the one I end up with and marry and have any type of future with.

This afternoon I was talking to a really good friend on the phone about this. She has actually been talking to me for days trying to make me admit that I actually like the dude. Now that I have (somewhat) admitted it, she got to hear the brunt of my dilemma. Do I date someone I KNOW I have no future with? Am I dating for fun or am I dating to find my future husband? Is it okay to date someone just for fun? I don't even know if it is fair to that guy to date him just for fun. I mean, I'm not going to date someone I have no romantic feelings for. I just don't see him as a future husband. I know that I am 18 and I am young but what's the point of dating if it's not to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?

My best friend is gone the whole summer. As of right now, I can only communicate with him via letters. In two weeks, I wrote him two LONG letters filling him in on all this. He is the one that I get my advice from and he isn't here to tell me that I'm being stupid and thinking too much into it. He isn't here to tell me to shut up and stop worrying. (He tends to say that a lot--he's the one who gets to see me when I'm at my worst!) As I write the letters, I can see him shaking his head and laughing to himself at how ridiculous I am. He laughs at me a lot. :)

So what do I do? Do I follow my heart and allow myself to want to date him? Or do I follow my brain that tells me that I'm just wasting my time?

It's beyond ridiculous, I know. I suppose I just have to put it aside and out of my head and see what happens. I may be worrying over nothing. I can't keep worrying about something that may never happen. I'm done being pathetic now. My next post will be more interesting, promise. :)