Life Rambles (As if that's unusual...)

On Saturday I leave PA and head back to NYC. Most people in my situation would be stoked since PA is not the most exciting place to be. Last year I was so ready to go back. This year, I am having mixed feelings. I am excited to see my friends and live on my own again but there are a lot of things about PA that I will miss. My sister, Breah, had major knee surgery over winter break so I have spent most of my time taking care of her. Some people would consider that a pain but it has actually been a blessing. She and I have had so many great conversations and shared so many laughs that it brought us a lot closer than we ever were. I am going to miss talking to her and watching her hit milestones in her recovery such as the one I saw a few days ago when she lifted her leg all by herself for the the first time. Everyone in the physical therapy room started clapping. I am so incredibly proud of the determination that she has to get back on the court next season. As much as I wish this didn't happen to her, I am secretly thankful for it (sorry, B).  It has been so great to hang out with her and in a way get to know her better and become closer as not only sisters but as friends. I am going to miss watching stupid TV shows, telling awkward secrets, and simply just talking and laughing like little kids. It has been so much fun to spend time with her over break. 

Recently, I have reconnected with some friends from high school. I always use to say that when I come back to PA, I only have a family to come back to and don't really have close friends here anymore. Well, that has changed. I loved spending my Monday nights watching The Bachelor with Dakota who I have known since I was born and going out to eat and shopping with Em who is like my little sister. Last break I was so obsessed with getting back to NYC that I never took the time to hang out with PA people all that often. These two girls are just some of the connections I have been making but it is so humbling to know that I have amazing people to come home to. 

I am going to miss the sports. Watching football or NBA or college sports with my family has been one of the highlights. Marymount is not a sports college at all which at times makes me regretful of my decision to go there. This is off topic but it is a ramble so I can do that, right? :) Sometimes I feel like I went to the wrong school. Don't get me wrong, I love MMC and living in New York, but as I watch college football or basketball and see the student sections with paint on their faces and having an abundance of school spirit, it makes me feel like I am missing out on the college experience. Just the thought of that raises so many questions in my head. Did I pick the wrong school? Will I regret it for the rest of my life? What if I was suppose to go somewhere else and I am missing out on something so great? The endless amount of questions can drive me insane. But I guess I have to be honest with myself--if I didn't have the best friends I could have ever asked for in New York, I wouldn't be there. I would have transferred already. Is it okay that that is one of the only reasons that keeps me there? I still have grad school so I can always choose a school with sports and actual school spirit then but I feel like in grad school I won't have time for any of that. Maybe that is why I am not as excited to go back to NYC--I have so much doubt. Maybe it is because I do too much as I go to school full time, am involved in numerous clubs, work two jobs, and volunteer on Saturdays. Maybe that is why I am having these feelings of being unsatisfied. In a way, I feel really selfish since not everyone has the opportunity to go to a private college in the most exciting city. And I know I am really blessed and lucky to live the life I live. I guess I am too much of a sports fan to go to a school with no sports. But I am going to make the best of it. I am going to have an awesome semester and it will be great to see my friends and the little girl I nanny. I am going to miss a lot of things about PA but it is an incredible feeling to know that I have a lot of amazing things in both Pennsylvania and New York. I am truly blessed. 

Okay, enough rambling. Someone take me to a college basketball game.