Time is a Blessing

I am home for the summer and to be honest, it hasn't been that great. Not that I don't enjoy time with my family but I miss New York. I miss the busyness, the people, my church, my community. Everything. I just miss it all. There is nothing for me in Pennsylvania. I have a great family but they have their own lives. Me, well, I work 3 days a week and try to go to the gym every day. That is about it. I have found myself watching Australian TV shows on Netflix and daydreaming of traveling the world. Seriously, I have a whole plan as to where I want to live and when. To be frank, I'm lonely. I had plenty of friends when I lived here year round but they seem to have moved on and I really only hang out and talk to one of them regularly. Sure I try to catch up with some of my old friends but things aren't how they use to be. The one constant friendship has been with my best friend and he's gone all summer working at a camp so that leaves me bored and lonely. The past few weeks I have just been mopey and going through a period of self pity. I told myself that I am going to lonely forever and end up as a cat lady who collects stamps. It is pretty ridiculous how low I became in my thoughts.
Tonight my family and I watched a movie called "Facing the Giants" which has always been on my list of great movies. It is a christian based film that focuses on the theme that nothing is impossible with God and he can do anything just because he's God. The movie is insanely inspiring and encouraging. There is this one part where the football coach is talking to his team about why they play football. It goes onto the bigger picture of why are we all here. The answer: for God's glory. We are put on this earth for a purpose and it is ultimately to give God the glory. So I thought to myself, I have so much time. I am moping around feeling lonely and sorry for myself when God is waiting for me to realize that this time is a blessing. It gives me a chance to sit back and realize how beautiful my life is and it gives me the opportunity to give him the glory he deserves. I need to use the time to grow in my relationship with him and spend quality time in his word every day. I heard a statistic that on average, Christians only pray for 3 minutes a day. At first I was shocked at how low that is. Now that I think about it more, I don't even know if I get to 3 minutes a day. I pray with my family at dinner and alone in my bed at night but I don't think that would add up to 3 minutes. What am I doing? I always talk big saying that I want to live for Christ and give him the glory for everything I do but if I am not even praying for 3 minutes a day, how am I striving towards those things? I truly believe that there is a reason for everything. The reason I have so much time on my hands is so that I can grow in my faith and learn more about my heavenly father. I want to be a woman of God who seeks after his heart and strives to walk as Jesus walked. So how will I do that? For one, I need to spend more time in prayer as that is my main line of communication with God. Two, spend more time in the Bible. I just finished 1 John, 2 John, and 3 John which were pretty great. I decided that I'm going to tackle Revelation which I have tried to read but it can be difficult so I gave up on it. So this time I am going to study it. If it takes me a few months to fully understand it, so be it. I will take all the time I need to fully understand this book. That is how I am going to approach every book of the Bible I read. Lastly, I am going to try fully trusting him. God knows I already have major trust issues with people so this is easier said than done. But that is my goal. I am going to use my time for his glory. After all, that is what we are put on this earth to do.

My Book...Say Whaaaaat?

That's right. I'm writing a book. There isn't a title yet but that is something I think I will come up with once the book is completed. Some of you may have seen my post on facebook announcing the book project but that was a while ago and to be honest, I am not even close to being done. I am thinking this may take a year or two to complete. I didn't think the writing process would be so difficult. I guess I should tell you all what the book is about first--well, me. People have told me for years that I should write a book since at such a young age, I already have so many life experiences. I think for me, it is more of a way to reach out to other people who have gone through what I have gone through. I want the book to be a sort of tell all--things that even my parents and my best friends don't know. I want it to be my way of helping others and letting those people know that they aren't alone and they can fight through any struggle they have and turn it around for good. I have fought through many struggles and have experienced many things that people my age don't usually experience; but I always refused to be a victim. Okay, maybe not always, there was that one time that I really didn't think I could get through what I was going through. (You will have to read the book to find out what that is!) The point is, this book is a way for me to not be the victim but to be resilient. To say "yeah, I have experienced all of these things but I am a more empathetic, strong, and mature person because of it". It also is a way to say "screw you" to all of those people who have been the cause of my struggles and hard experiences. As I continue to write this book, I realize that it is a sort of therapy for me, as well. But with that, it is also hard to dig back into those emotions during those hard times. I want people to feel all kinds of emotions while they are reading. I want them to laugh, to cry, to be angry, to be happy, to just.. relate to me and feel how I felt during specific moments in my life. I don't know how many people will read my book--it may not going anywhere and just be my family. But I'm not in it to get loads of readers and fans or whatever. I am doing it so I can outreach to others, even if it is just one person. Also, how cool would it be for my grandkids and great grandkids to have something to tell them who their grandmother or great grandmother was? That would be pretty awesome.
It is going to be a journey. Writing a book isn't easy and I have gained so much more respect for authors. It is also an emotional journey as I channel those feelings again as I write about what exactly happened in my various experiences and struggles. But I'm in it. And I have a great person who agreed to edit it and look over the various parts of the book as I finish. She was the amazing producer for my episode of "What Would You Do?" and knows what a good story is. It will be great to have her look over my drafts...when I have a draft...
Maybe I should go back to writing now.